I rediscovered a very close friend just over a year ago.  Relegated by time and circumstance to contacting each other once or twice a year with a “hey, how are you doing? this is what’s happening with me” email, he wasn’t exactly the first person I turned to when my ex and I split up.  In fact, I think I waited more than three months after the ex moved out to send out my semi-annual email and let him know what was going on.

The response was unexpected.  A sympathetic return email led to a phone call, which led to another, which led to a weekend visit.  We both seemed to quickly remember what it was about our past friendship that we had enjoyed so much, and began talking regularly. 

We flirted with the idea of turning our friendship into something more, but I was too fucked up, broken, scared and numbed by my personal recent history to be capable of much of anything that required any emotional investment, those pesky emotions were still all wrapped up in someone else.  I told him how I felt and, at the time, I think it hurt him.  And that was devastating to me.  Having been recently hurt myself, it was horrible to cause pain for someone I cared about and who had become so important to me.  

Once that experiment failed, we took a break.  Me to continue to heal, him to evaluate whether and how he would choose to fit me into his life.  His sudden silence left a hole in my life - I had been accustomed to calling him anytime, all the time, to tell him about something he would find ridiculous (he found humor in EVERYTHING, so that was easy), to talk shop or to just vent.  But he had asked for a break and so, despite my selfish need for my friend, I respected that.

The break lasted about 8 weeks, and since that time, I’ve known that I can turn to him about pretty much anything.  Advice.  Bitching about work or traffic or co-workers or politics.  Computer problems (although God help me if he did answer, I was lost after the second word).  Laughs and jokes.  Merciless endless relentless teasing.  A careless but sincere compliment when I’m feeling down.  A genuinely interested and sympathetic ear.  Stories about one of his many (and often crazy hobbies) – computer programming; orienteering; martial arts; dragon slaying; whatever.  Once recent day I called him up to see how he was doing and he was overflowing with excitement.  He had just had the most perfect day.  Halfway knowing the answer, I asked him to elaborate, and he told me about going to the bookstore, finding the perfect book, talking to an interesting person, and then getting caught in a torrential rainstorm.  How can that description of a perfect day not make me smile?

Now, this person who has become such a dependable place to turn when I need a friend is going to a land far far away.  Consistent with everything that he is – he’s going to an unconventional place with an unconventional purpose.  He’ll be back, but not for 3 months.

I’m happy for him and excited for him, but I’ll miss him.  And I’ll be looking forward to having him back here, so that he can ask me in a completely exasperated voice whether I can just try, for one second, to “not be such a Yankee.”

 I’ll miss you my friend.  Travel well….